AP: Cats of Chaos – BB not well

Nashville – BB of the popular rock band Cats of Chaos has been diagnosed with colon and thyroid issues and will not be able to continue with the band.  “I’ve been rocking and partying hard for years and the abuse has finally caught up with me”  BB said in a press release today.  He went on to say that the doctors told him he is living on borrowed time.  Cats of Chaos management stated that BB is resting comfortably, he has his affairs in order and is ready for whatever comes next.

When we asked Cats of Chaos management about the future of the band with the recent loss of founding member Cleo and now with BB being forced into retirement due to health issues they stated that no decisions have been made but the cats like to rock and will probably want to continue.

AP: Cats of Chaos – RIP Cleo

Nashville – Cleo of the popular rock band Cats of Chaos apparently passed away on April 28th after a short illness.  Cats of Chaos management kept the story hushed to give the other cats a chance to mourn after the private burial ceremony.  The location of Cleo’s final resting place is also being kept private to avoid the general chaos caused by mourning fans.

Little Monsters

Hi Tanuki here,
OK the studio brought three little monsters into the house without even asking me. They say they’re kittens, but I don’t believe it. All they do is run around making little foot step noises all day and night and they keep getting bigger…I’m not happy about this. Got to go somebody’s coming and I’m still banned from the computer because of my comment about outside cats being stupid

Dogs

Hi Tanuki here, while the studio is busy re-mastering the old Cats of Chaos cuts for the re-issue I thought I’d mention something we cats have been putting up with. We have to share the house with dogs. Now normally it’s not too bad I mean they are annoying but it’s nothing that a good sharp claw can’t take care of. Sick dogs are another story, what do they think, the floor is a toilet? That is bad enough and then the smell of the clorox when my human servants clean up the mess. So I think the dogs have to go, that’s all I’m saying just open the door shove them out and bye bye…

The Cat Massage Lady

Hi Tanuki here, I found out about professional cat massage while watching David Letterman on TV last night.  Now this really ticks me off, the studio is making good money from our records and they haven’t offered me a professional massage.

The Catfish on Their Breath

Hi Tanuki here, I can’t believe what my human servants did last night.  They didn’t get home from their other jobs until like nine so my dinner was late!  They didn’t offer any good reason but I knew they went out to see some other band play because I could smell the smoke on their clothes and the catfish on their breath.  Did they bring any home for us cats? No!  I would have protested right away but I was really hungry so I just ate my food.  Now I’ve got to come up with a plan to keep them in line.  If you have any ideas post a comment below…

AP: Cats of Chaos Rocker Bites Management!

Nashville – Rascal of the popular rock band Cats of Chaos is in the news again today, this time for allegedly biting one of the studio managers at Reverb King Records (the studio is where the cats live).  A band spokesperson said the incident happened when Rascal got frustrated at the prospect of being forced into retirement. There is an ongoing dispute between, the two remaining original members Rascal and Cleo, and the three newer members Blue ‘BB Kitty’ Brown, Ashes Brown and Tanuki Cat.  The three younger cats were brought in by the studio when original members Psycho, Moog and Miracle (aka Monster, Booger Kitty) passed away.  These shots were taken just before and just after the alleged attack occurred while management was explaining options to the aging rocker.

Rascal was heard to say, “They think I’m past it but I can rock harder and handle my nip better than any of these young cats…”  In a prepared statement studio management said “… it’s bad enough when you are dealing with musicians but these cats are wild animals at heart and they get excited at times.”  No charges have been filed at this time.

Classic Cats of Chaos re-issue

I’ve been talking to Cleo and Rascal and they have agreed to retire if a rerelease of some of the older Cats of Chaos songs doesn’t sell.  They said if the fans don’t want them anymore they will step down and let the young cats take over the band.  Now I have to talk to the studio and see if they will do it.

BB Kitty

More Power to the Cats!

Hi Tanuki here, this thanksgiving thing is really getting on my nerves. Our human servants left and to make it even worse they took the dogs with them. I mean if they wanted to go somewhere they should have taken me to get my share of the turkey but no, they left us alone at the studio. We ran low on food and the litter boxes weren’t cleaned for 3 days while they were gone. Then when they came home they acted like it was no big deal, argh! I would have gone on a hunger strike but I really like food so I’m writing about it instead so put your angry protest comments below, more power to the cats!

Apology to Outside Cats

Hi Tanuki here, looks like I got in trouble for saying cats that live outside are stupid but I didn’t mean all cats that live outside. I just don’t get it though why don’t they just find a nice house and live inside? Anyway, I’m supposed to apologize so I’m sorry.

There now that I’ve got that out of the way here’s the thing, the litter box hasn’t been very clean lately and I’m not happy about it. I mean its bad enough that I have to share the box but sometimes they don’t change the litter for days and why does Rascal get her own box? I know she’s a founding member of the band but she hasn’t written a new song in a long time and should be retired by now anyway. This whole litter box thing stinks so leave me some comments telling the studio that I should have my own box and it should have new litter every day.